Library

@DixsyDxisy: I saw a figure so familiar that without hesitation I ran to catch the shadow. As I pulled the door and walked in, I saw him. I saw him.

@DixsyDxisy: It was a small pause. Our eyes met then he looked away. His hair was a little different the last time I saw him.

@DixsyDxisy: A new haircut. Cute. I dont always get to see you but I noticed the changes.

@DixsyDxisy: Stood there, he was packing his bag. I could see how he's trying to arrange the books. Those fingers. “He's going home.” I whispered.

@DixsyDxisy: So I walked around the shelves trying to waste a little time, pretending to search a book but I was stealing some glances cause I know..

@DixsyDxisy: ...I know how temporary this is.

@DixsyDxisy: Knowing he's going, I walked out. Between the doors there's a juntion, to stairs, and in between there's a space with red sofas.

@DixsyDxisy: I sat there waiting for him to come out. I waited and waited. I saw his figure walking through the hall way. I watched until it fades.

@DixsyDxisy: A few minutes he came out, holding a book. Reading. Whilst moving towards the stairs he then stopped.

@DixsyDxisy: He just stood there facing his back on me. He stood there for too long that my heart began to race.

@DixsyDxisy: MY HEART BEATS SO FREAKING FAST I STARTED TO TREMBLE.

@DixsyDxisy: And his friend came. Talking. Didnt mean to eavesdrop but the room was too quiet. One said “kau nak bawak balik ke buku tu?”

@DixsyDxisy: All i heard was a reply of “takdelah” but the conv goes on.

@DixsyDxisy: When they walked down the stairs, i jumped off from the sofa and to the balcony to watch them. But they had gone.

@DixsyDxisy: I got so panic but thanked god I hv my phone.

I was replying my friend's text. It was funny so I smiled. Knowing he was there I hope that he saw me. I hope that he finds how dazzling my smile was. I hope he realize that I exist. But that would be in His hand. 

The New Generation

Let me tell you what generation we've become..

1) we've become a generation where religions matters but practicing it doesnt.

2) we've become cold-hearted pricks where we see something/someone need help we hesitated to help them or worse we dont even help them with “dont get involved. it's dangerous” as an excuse.

3) we've bcm a generation “mind your own business” and it's generally our business. For example, muslims to see their brothers being transgenders/ lesbians/ gays/ bisexual. It's not about THOSE TRANSGENDERS OR GAYS OR LESBIAN DONT DO BAD THINGS TO YOU, BUT IT'S ABOUT AVOIDING FITNAH FOR OUR RELIGION BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU GUYS ARE BEING A DISGRACE AND WORSE THAN A PROSTITUTE. ok now. 

4) we've become a generation that's TOO INFLUENCED WITH TUMBLR, STUPID RELATIONSHIP GOALS THAT ARE UNREALISTIC AND NOT GOING ANYWHERE. Especially muslim? WHY ARE YOU GUYS WORSHIP/ADMIRE ALL THOSE RELATIONSHIP GOALS WHEN CLEARLY IT BRINGS YOU TO MAKSIAT!?

5) AND WHY IS THERE GAYS AND LESBIANS, TRANSGENDERS AMONG MUSLIM AT THE FIRST PLACE? If you guys want to be those, please choose another religion. 

6) we've become a generation where everything wants to be posted to the internet from the unecessary things to THINGS THAT SHOULD BE PRIVATE. And then blame someone for robbing you when you KEEP SHOWING YOUR WEALTH. 

Love part.1

This is a story about a boy who claims himself in love with a girl by saying “she's everything I need. I love her.” Oh look, it's a different girl now. 

How stupid. Your love doesnt potray real love. They are like touch and go(s). Today you said you love her and tomorrow you're holding someone else's hand. 

Well done for so called “True Love”. 

2025

This is a list I'm doing for my ownself and what will I do and be doing. The list changes. Lets start off by;

1) it's 2015. In 10 years time, I wont be in my country. I will be somewhere over the seas, in a foreign country. Working in suits and a briefcase. I imagine myself a business woman, or a pa, or a secret agent working in a secret service.

2) or maybe I continued my studies in the London Business School. 

3) maybe I persue my degree in science or doing a research in related to human and humanity, or even universe. 

4) maybe I've bcm a speaker. Talking about humanity. 

Kasih diterima

Malam ni je aku nak gembira.

Dalam resah aku lihat kau bersama dia, dalam keraguan aku melihat pandangan matanya, dalam kesedihan aku melihat kemesraan kau dengannya, aku terimbas kembali. 

Aku teringat bagaimana dalam diam kau cuba menolong aku. Mungkin barangkali sesiapa sahaja kau akan bantu. Sesiapa sahaja kau layan begitu. Tapi terima kasih untuk segalanya. Bermula dari tali hiasan yang perlu diikat di penjuru atas khemah, ke meja yang seberat-berat kekuatan lelaki sehingga mengangkat sebuah plastik berisikan berkotak-kotak pizza, terima kasih.

“Emm..... Sini lah...”

“Sinilah tolong angkat.”

Hulur tangan.

“Takpelah”

“Takpe ke?”

“Takpe.”

Senyum.

Biarlah semua persoalan tak terjawab. Malam ini, hati aku berdegup kencang,  senyumku tak tertahan. Walau nama aku masih tidak dikenali.. Aku sudah cukup bersenang hati. 

Beauty

Sometimes I think, too many girls out there wear make ups to look “natural” but those makeover only cover your true beauty, the YOU; those jawlines, frekles, puffy cheeks or chubby cheeks, big nose, flat nose- GONE. All gone. Which makes all makeup girls look the same and I dont think that's beautiful. No. I dont think that's beautiful.

Biarkanlah Mak

“Biarkanlah Mak. Kita nasihat takda guna. Dikata sibuk jaga tepi kain orang, kain sendiri terbelah tunjuk aib sendiri. Mak jaga jelah anak Mak. Janji anak Mak tak buat, kenal mana dosa mana neraka.”

Mind reader

I dont think you can blame anyone for not being there in times you need when you clearly didnt show the signs that you need them. YOU CANT EXPECT PEOPLE TO READ YOUR MIND AND PLUS YOU CANT EXPECT PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS FROM YOUR TYPING. I mean what the fuck is wrong with you? You think people have powers to read minds? The only one who could read your mind is your God and yourself. Dont put too much high expectations on someone. They are humans. They are as weak as you. Without any reason because of that you said you hate that person. Out of the blue ? If you put too much expectation on someone, you'll fall, you will hurt yourself. They didnt ask you to do that. They are innocent for your own fault, your own guilty. You put them in that situation. If you want them to comfort you, tell them. “I need you” not half-assed telling that you dont have the interest to tell why and then just leave it hanging? Wow. So fucking selfish. 

Innerpeace

Find peace in whatever you do. Yes. Maybe others have it better and you want it. But have faith in His plans. He knows what you dont know. He knows what is best for you. You've tried hard and tawakkal but rezeki wasnt on your side. That's how I tell myself.