The boy in my Faculty

There this one boy in my faculty. He is tall just like Azim. But he's a lot handsome than Him. He acts like him, His attitude is like him. His body are just like him. Maybe that's what makes me attracted to him. He seems reliable. The first time I started to feel attracted to him because he's like Azim's twin but as days pass by, he doesnt look like him at all a part of being tall. When U start to hv interest pn someone, u'll start to look up to him. So i'm starting to hv butterflies when I see him and horny and shit. Because I love that kind of body. A little buff and tall. Yes. But I'm not sure how long this will last.....

#PingTheCat

It has been a while since the last time I dreamt abt you Ping. Last Sunday, I opened my window and saw ur grave just right beneath. I said hi but then I fell asleep. You came to my dream meowing, playing at an old abandon ruins of building. I hugged you and asked you where hv u been. I touched ur stomach, and it was as hard a rock. Ping, i miss you. It felt terribly bad when I didnt say a proper goodbye. I'm sorry Ping. I love you. 

Or so I thought

I thought I dont want to have any friends 

I thought I'm fine being alone

I thought I want to mind my own business and handle my life by myself

I thought I would give up on you since you are back with your girlfriend

I thought I would delete you out of my life

I thought I want to focus on my studies

I thought I want to work part time at Typo

I thought I want to meet someone new and move on from you

Or so I thought.

To the boys I have loved before pt. 2

Azim,

I dont know how did it happen but meeting you was one of the greatest thing happened in my life. Loving you thought me a lot of things. It thought me how to be strong. You were full of riddles I couldnt solve. But I was willing to solve you for the rest of my life. You were such a good guy. You were my dream guy; my type of guy; the way you love you dont show it but it can be felt. You love to tease. You dont went off sweet talking only sometimes when you're in love. I've watched you being taken away by someone. I've watched you loving someone else and it hurts. You were the first guy who'd pick me up from home. The first who'd take me out just the two of us. I'm sorry for being lame but that's how I grew up. I was forbid by my family unless they trust someone. I'm sure my family tursted you except they couldnt accept that I've grown up and I have priorities too. Thankyou for your understanding. Thank you for all the fun times. I've been in love with you for the past 2 years. And nothing has changed despite you've had a relationship before. I'm still in love with you I couldnt risk to tell. I'd prefere we keep being like thiss. I dont care about my happiness as long as you're happy. I wont know what will happen in the future but me right now is in love with you. And how I know that things will change someday but me right is in love with u and I just want you to know that. 

A week of holiday

Hey bloggy havent seen you in a while. Missing you lots. There arent many things happen though.

1) I thought of selling a custom made notebook which I draw with acrilic paint. But I couldnt find a perfect book yet. Still searching.

2) I had my Midsem Break last week.

3) I went out with him. In the terms of (hang out). We're just friends. I wanted more though but too scared to risk anything. At first we thought of going out on monday but I couldnt, mom wanted me to follow hving dinner with my cousin. So we decided to go out the next day, Tuesday 8/9/2015. I said lets meet off somewhere yet he insisted to pick me up. I love it when he picks me up. So we ate at Soul Garden. Talking. And then I had to rush to the toilet and I didnt found the closest toilet but there was the closest one yet I went to the one that's a little further away. I asked him to look out at my lamba while I was gone and I expected him would let the lamb burnt but he didnt. It was nicely grilled and I was so happy and thankful at the same time. So he followed me to the bookstore and wandered aimlessly while I was searching for books and then I asked him could we go to the Action City. He was like "if you wanted to go, you'll hv to walk home" since he targetted to reach home at 11. I said I dont care, I still want to go. So I dragged him along. He followed though and looked around too. I told him I've been wanting to get this Tony Stark action figure for years, he told me he wanted a flying iron man action figure. We both got things we've always wanted. And so after we go home. i asked him to bring me to the Country Garden and he said "I owe you this one" and I got out of the car. And said goodbye.

"Fav bunch"

It's nice to see someone having "fav bunch"

I dont have any fav bunch. Sad. But that's just how it is. 

Calling off someone "fav bunch" sounds fake. I dont need to claim how much I cherish a person with words. I do it with actions but somehow that's just not good enough for someone to see.

#TIL

TIL 

@DixsyDxisy: How to handle woman; When they're nagging, just be quiet.

@DixsyDxisy: How to handle woman: Listen to them. Be a very good listener.

What am I doing with life? 

Not here

I really really want to migrate to somewhere else. I dont want all these people. I dont mind living hardship as long as I'm not here and not with these people.

#PingTheCat

Ping. We love you. Wait for us in the gates of heaven. We love you so much ping but He loves you more. Pray for us from the above ping. Love you. And miss you. 

Ping, be strong. I love you.

Ping you are strong. Please. Bersabar. Bertahan. We are all here praying for you.  We all miss you, please be strong this time. Please. 

@DixsyDxisy: I'm already bermuka-muka by the time I agreed when you asked me not to tell her. I shouldnt have done that. I shouldnt involved in ur matter

TIL

TIL dont meddle in someone's relationship problems. Especially when the man is such an extreamly pms bitch.

Ownfinridjw

I dont care what most people think. Anymore.

I'm deleting everyone. Out of my life.

Not sad

At this point it's okay to be alone. At this point it's okay. I should just be quiet. You're not important to them. You're important to someone but not to them. It never did. And it's not even that sad. Not as sad as I was before. :)

Normal, Extra and Stereo.

Be normal. Not the stereotype.

Normal is now the extraordinary.

Relationship between God and Science

Science should bring us closer to God and not further away. Science should be the explanation of how did God created something or everything.

#LoveWins

Today is the moment where the united states legalise Equality Marriage. 

1) some peeps say it's okay.

2) sad to see that even the Muslims agree to Marriage equality.

3) As the true religion we shouldn't encourage them instead we should guide them. This isn't called as homophobic. Stop creating these psychological terms!

4) Living and religion isn't just about compassionate, love, peace, it's about being reasonable, relevant. 

5) why are we created in 2 different genders? If we are created man with man and woman with woman, then there should be one gender in this world.

6) but instead we are created in pairs. 

7) the reason is to prolonged our existence 

8) same gender can not breed. WE CAN'T BREED ASEXUALLY EITHER.

9) So gays and lesbians should not exist because it's against nature and irrelevant. 

10) 

@kawaiizzat: @meekvstheworld homophobes need to know that those who have gone through conversion therapy face 8.9x the rates of suicide ideation and (1)

@kawaiizzat: @meekvstheworld face depression 5.9times more, and are 3x more likely to use illegal drugs. pfft "against nature" my ass. (2)

11) these people are ignorant. Drugs? Suicide attempt? That's because you're into Dunya things.

12) that is a signal showing your imaan is low and you need to increase it.

13) Suicidal attempts? I once felt that  too. But that's when you need ur patience. Increase patience to let it take over. 

14) I'm not pious. I'm an average person. I have sins. And I sin a lot whether consious or unconsiously. Know that nobody is as maksum as the messenger and that doesn't mean I can't give people advice to be better.

15) this is the sickness of our people. Wallahi. It's almost the end of the world.

Hentikan

Hentilah bercakap besar. 

Hentikan wahai diri.

Hentikan.

Kind of thing

If I can ask for anything I'd ask for "jauh dari maksiat" I know it's kinda old fashion but I want it that way and I hope I'll find someone who understands. Let's be friends until we're officially halal. I like you but I dont want to have anything with you, I just want you to know that I like you and I want to keep being friends and I dont want any more than friends kind of thing.

@DixsyDxisy: I-like-you-but-I-just-want-you-to-know-that-I-like-you-and-I-want-to-keep-being-friends-and-I-dont-want-any-more-than-friends-

@DixsyDxisy: Until-we-are-ready-and-meant-for-each-other kind of thing

@DixsyDxisy: I know it's kinda lame but I want it that way not bcs I hated you

@DixsyDxisy: But because I'm scared.

I have a dream.

My dream is to have a house near a lake, a two-storey house with white walls, dark brown roof, whit and dark brown fences. Then a small bean shaped swing in the front porch. Then doors and the windows are like the english houses. And it has an attic. I would have an attic just in case one of my children wanted a room like in thos tumblr. And on the roof of the attic, there's a seenthrough window. For the kids to see the stars and appreciate the existance of the universe. And sometimes, me and husband would sit near the lake, and picnic. A few decorations. On our anniversarry, I would make all the plans and deco. And I would surprize him with one meal and another. And the last part, is the present.  

To the boys I have loved before pt. 1

Let's go back to when we were small,

When we had a fight

And exchanged letters

And that letter passed through the class

But neither would read it

Except us

I miss those days,

When I think our love was very innocent

It was a puppy love but I think

I think it was the sweetest puppy love I've ever had

Your mom likes me

It felt great

I liked you i really do

Back then, we were too young

I've liked you

But I was scared

I was raised forbid to have any relationship

So I was scared

I was thinking about my parents

I wasn't ready.

But i've always like you

And still now I couldn't forget you.

We were a bunch of kids

Too young to know what love is

But it was real

I really really liked you back then.

I'm sorry I pushed you away and lied.

When I shouldn't.

I swear to god kau lelaki paling kuat pms!

Insta post edited

(Post yang sgt panjang: sila scroll lelaju) 

Usually this day I would be at home celebrating with my family. But not this year. I dont usually like birthdays. It makes you feel older. Well you are getting older tho. And it makes me feel that I'm running out of time; One year closer to death. And the day itself makes me miserable. Like a kind of badluck. 

This year is a rather unique. I'm sure I didnt tell anyone abt my birthday (maybe the past month but that's just my roomates). Actually I even forget when is my birthday these few weeks (sibuk exam). As always, I've never celebrated my birthday with friends (bcs usually no one remembers) but it's okay. Takde harapan tinggi tu bagus jugak. And that's why I didnt tell anyone. Rasa malas. Like anyone would even care abt my birthday. Nak tengok jugak ada yg ingat tak. huhu 

And when everyone wished me in front of my face I just dont know how to react. I'm touched and shy and wanted to cry but awkward and speechless and grateful and i feel so touched that a nobody's birthday like me getting wishes and remembered. (you know who you are 💕) ((rasa nak peluk everyone tp malu and konon nak tunjuk cool)) And then I got a cake! JAKUN SBB DPT ONE WHOLE CAKE! Thankyou Syada for the lovely cake which I still havent cut it. (Waiting for everyone to get back!) dahlah tgh baring-baring tiba2 terjengul kotak kt sebelah kepala. I couldnt say more. Nak nangis tp air mata jantan taknak keluar So cuma tinggal malunya je. 💖 Then mah bro here kunun nak surprise iols dgn bawak belon hitam putihnya last-last satu bocor, terbang tiga biji dek Najla, tinggal satu buat sedut helium. Saya dipampered dengan Chemistry Lab dan Murni padahal before keluar tu dah makan nasi lauk ikan masak sweet sour. Lepastu lepak padang terlepas 3 belon sambil bergelak ketawa, tawaf Setia City Mall. Tak kering gusi layan korang bergossip sana dgn punchline sini dgn hipsternya. I got a very good time.

Thankyou everyone for the wishes sangat terharu sbb korang igt iols yg picisan ni. Huhuhu :') ALL OF YOU MADE MY DAY!!!! 😊💕 (i dont mean to offence and no bad intentions to anyone 😊) #vscocam #happybirthday

Friends & bestfriends

What makes I dont have any friends?

I used to have though. But friendship are as fragile as it is. I have tons. What's sad about having a lot of friends? Is that none of them are real. They are only your friends when they needed you. No one remembers your birthday. I dont remember any of my friends' birthday so it's normal for no one to wish me. I should expect that to happen.

But bestfriends? Are bullshit. I need real friends. 

Updated: they remembered my birthday. I'm so touched and felt so guilty. I'm sorry guys. I love you. Thankyou so much for your kindness. 

Me as a parent

1) No internet for my children except for school works. And I will be guiding it. 

2) No phones for my children except emergency cases until minimum 16 years old. 

3) No coming home late! Except I know the truth.

4) No television except on weekends. Weekdays only tutorial tv.

5) No coupling with anyone and I will have to know who do they like!

6) I would let them read books.

7) I will let my children go to Tahfiz school after finish SPM.

8) I will give them bedtime stories about the history of Islam.

9) Age 5 learn to solah and read iqra'

10) Age 7 will get rotan if they skipped solah.

11) i will make them hafaz al-kahfi sentence per sentence.

12) Teach them to lower their gaze from they're still small

13) teach them to wear proper dress. 

14) jemaah subuh, maghrib and isya'.

15) i will ask their problem, check pn them, ask their day, keep them company while they are studying and teach them too.

16) teach them about Islam and give them proper example.

Dari Mummy #2

Sayang, ingat pesan mummy. Mulai dari sekarang, kalau awak nampak wanita yang cantik dimata, tundukkan pandangan. Tundukan walaupun rasa rugi kerana nampak wanita yang cantik bagaikan bidadari. Insyallah kalau ada bidadari sebenar dan halal untuk awak, awak tak perlu lagi tundukan pandangan dari dia. Sebab dia sepenuhnya milik awak.

Dari Mummy #1

Tahu tak, Mummy kalau boleh taknak awak bercinta pun. Mummy taknak awak bergelumangan dengan dosa. Mummy nak awak ikut syarak. Boleh kalau awak nak sukakan seseorang kerana perasaan itu fitrah manusia dan perasaan itu juga datang dari Allah. Sebenarnya itu ujian Allah, nak tengok sama ada kita sayang Dia atau tak. Perasaan suka ni kalau tak dikawal boleh membawa kita ke arah maksiat. Kalau awak sayang Allah, awak jauhi maksiat tu. Macam mana? Kalau awak sukakan seseorang, awak mengadu pd Dia. Berdoa, kalau si dia terbaik untk aku, maka satukan kami dalam keredhaanMu. Kalau dia mula menyentuh awak, kamu berdua mendekati zina dan zina itu adalah dosa besar. Allah murka. Allah benci orang yan berzina. Kenapa zina tak boleh? Zina boleh mendatang penyakit yang memudaratkan. Bukan fizikal, juga emosi. Zina juga menghitamkan hati kita dan menjadikan kita sebahagian golongan jahiliyah. Itu juga tanda lelaki itu hanya pandang awak dgn pandangan nafsu dan dia tak menghormati maruah awak.  Sebab tu, Mummy menghalang awak bercinta dgn dia sbb Mummy nak halang awak dari membuat maksiat. Kalau Munmy tak halang, dosa bukan sahaja melekat ke awak, malah Mummy dgn Daddy pun mendapat saham dosa. Bila kita dihitung amalan, dosa dan pahala, awak yang akan tarik Mummy, Daddy, dgn semua keluarga kita ke Neraka. Mummy taknak mcm tu. Mummy nak kita  kejar syurga Allah. Awak faham? Selagi tiada ikatan sah, awak simpan perasaan tu. Beritahu Mummy atau Allah. In shaa Allah, kalau itu jodoh terbaik awak, Allah akan pasti satukan, ya sayang? Percaya pada Allah. 

Update: Mummy nak awak kawan je dgn dia. Maksud Mummy kawan tu mmg betuul2 kawan. Bukan "saya awak", "abang sayang"

Roommates

There would be a time when your roomates hate you and they create a whatsapp group but you're excluded. 

Thumbs up!

Library

@DixsyDxisy: I saw a figure so familiar that without hesitation I ran to catch the shadow. As I pulled the door and walked in, I saw him. I saw him.

@DixsyDxisy: It was a small pause. Our eyes met then he looked away. His hair was a little different the last time I saw him.

@DixsyDxisy: A new haircut. Cute. I dont always get to see you but I noticed the changes.

@DixsyDxisy: Stood there, he was packing his bag. I could see how he's trying to arrange the books. Those fingers. “He's going home.” I whispered.

@DixsyDxisy: So I walked around the shelves trying to waste a little time, pretending to search a book but I was stealing some glances cause I know..

@DixsyDxisy: ...I know how temporary this is.

@DixsyDxisy: Knowing he's going, I walked out. Between the doors there's a juntion, to stairs, and in between there's a space with red sofas.

@DixsyDxisy: I sat there waiting for him to come out. I waited and waited. I saw his figure walking through the hall way. I watched until it fades.

@DixsyDxisy: A few minutes he came out, holding a book. Reading. Whilst moving towards the stairs he then stopped.

@DixsyDxisy: He just stood there facing his back on me. He stood there for too long that my heart began to race.

@DixsyDxisy: MY HEART BEATS SO FREAKING FAST I STARTED TO TREMBLE.

@DixsyDxisy: And his friend came. Talking. Didnt mean to eavesdrop but the room was too quiet. One said “kau nak bawak balik ke buku tu?”

@DixsyDxisy: All i heard was a reply of “takdelah” but the conv goes on.

@DixsyDxisy: When they walked down the stairs, i jumped off from the sofa and to the balcony to watch them. But they had gone.

@DixsyDxisy: I got so panic but thanked god I hv my phone.

I was replying my friend's text. It was funny so I smiled. Knowing he was there I hope that he saw me. I hope that he finds how dazzling my smile was. I hope he realize that I exist. But that would be in His hand. 

The New Generation

Let me tell you what generation we've become..

1) we've become a generation where religions matters but practicing it doesnt.

2) we've become cold-hearted pricks where we see something/someone need help we hesitated to help them or worse we dont even help them with “dont get involved. it's dangerous” as an excuse.

3) we've bcm a generation “mind your own business” and it's generally our business. For example, muslims to see their brothers being transgenders/ lesbians/ gays/ bisexual. It's not about THOSE TRANSGENDERS OR GAYS OR LESBIAN DONT DO BAD THINGS TO YOU, BUT IT'S ABOUT AVOIDING FITNAH FOR OUR RELIGION BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU GUYS ARE BEING A DISGRACE AND WORSE THAN A PROSTITUTE. ok now. 

4) we've become a generation that's TOO INFLUENCED WITH TUMBLR, STUPID RELATIONSHIP GOALS THAT ARE UNREALISTIC AND NOT GOING ANYWHERE. Especially muslim? WHY ARE YOU GUYS WORSHIP/ADMIRE ALL THOSE RELATIONSHIP GOALS WHEN CLEARLY IT BRINGS YOU TO MAKSIAT!?

5) AND WHY IS THERE GAYS AND LESBIANS, TRANSGENDERS AMONG MUSLIM AT THE FIRST PLACE? If you guys want to be those, please choose another religion. 

6) we've become a generation where everything wants to be posted to the internet from the unecessary things to THINGS THAT SHOULD BE PRIVATE. And then blame someone for robbing you when you KEEP SHOWING YOUR WEALTH. 

Love part.1

This is a story about a boy who claims himself in love with a girl by saying “she's everything I need. I love her.” Oh look, it's a different girl now. 

How stupid. Your love doesnt potray real love. They are like touch and go(s). Today you said you love her and tomorrow you're holding someone else's hand. 

Well done for so called “True Love”. 

2025

This is a list I'm doing for my ownself and what will I do and be doing. The list changes. Lets start off by;

1) it's 2015. In 10 years time, I wont be in my country. I will be somewhere over the seas, in a foreign country. Working in suits and a briefcase. I imagine myself a business woman, or a pa, or a secret agent working in a secret service.

2) or maybe I continued my studies in the London Business School. 

3) maybe I persue my degree in science or doing a research in related to human and humanity, or even universe. 

4) maybe I've bcm a speaker. Talking about humanity. 

Kasih diterima

Malam ni je aku nak gembira.

Dalam resah aku lihat kau bersama dia, dalam keraguan aku melihat pandangan matanya, dalam kesedihan aku melihat kemesraan kau dengannya, aku terimbas kembali. 

Aku teringat bagaimana dalam diam kau cuba menolong aku. Mungkin barangkali sesiapa sahaja kau akan bantu. Sesiapa sahaja kau layan begitu. Tapi terima kasih untuk segalanya. Bermula dari tali hiasan yang perlu diikat di penjuru atas khemah, ke meja yang seberat-berat kekuatan lelaki sehingga mengangkat sebuah plastik berisikan berkotak-kotak pizza, terima kasih.

“Emm..... Sini lah...”

“Sinilah tolong angkat.”

Hulur tangan.

“Takpelah”

“Takpe ke?”

“Takpe.”

Senyum.

Biarlah semua persoalan tak terjawab. Malam ini, hati aku berdegup kencang,  senyumku tak tertahan. Walau nama aku masih tidak dikenali.. Aku sudah cukup bersenang hati. 

Beauty

Sometimes I think, too many girls out there wear make ups to look “natural” but those makeover only cover your true beauty, the YOU; those jawlines, frekles, puffy cheeks or chubby cheeks, big nose, flat nose- GONE. All gone. Which makes all makeup girls look the same and I dont think that's beautiful. No. I dont think that's beautiful.

Biarkanlah Mak

“Biarkanlah Mak. Kita nasihat takda guna. Dikata sibuk jaga tepi kain orang, kain sendiri terbelah tunjuk aib sendiri. Mak jaga jelah anak Mak. Janji anak Mak tak buat, kenal mana dosa mana neraka.”

Mind reader

I dont think you can blame anyone for not being there in times you need when you clearly didnt show the signs that you need them. YOU CANT EXPECT PEOPLE TO READ YOUR MIND AND PLUS YOU CANT EXPECT PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS FROM YOUR TYPING. I mean what the fuck is wrong with you? You think people have powers to read minds? The only one who could read your mind is your God and yourself. Dont put too much high expectations on someone. They are humans. They are as weak as you. Without any reason because of that you said you hate that person. Out of the blue ? If you put too much expectation on someone, you'll fall, you will hurt yourself. They didnt ask you to do that. They are innocent for your own fault, your own guilty. You put them in that situation. If you want them to comfort you, tell them. “I need you” not half-assed telling that you dont have the interest to tell why and then just leave it hanging? Wow. So fucking selfish. 

Innerpeace

Find peace in whatever you do. Yes. Maybe others have it better and you want it. But have faith in His plans. He knows what you dont know. He knows what is best for you. You've tried hard and tawakkal but rezeki wasnt on your side. That's how I tell myself. 

Kemaluan

Kau tahu tak apa yang paling malu? 

Paling malu adalah bila kau suka kan seseorang gila-gila dan siap panggil dia jodoh kau tapi dia sebenarnya ada hati pada orang lain malah dia tak kenal dan tak sedar pun kewujudan kau.

Bila kau sukakan dia sampai kau tabur janji yang kau sanggup tunggu dia sampai mati akhirnya kau mengalah dan kau pun move on.

Bila kau bertahun bersama dengan dia dan kau yakin yang kau orang akan bersama selamanya akhirnya setelah beberapa tahun kau pun berpisah dengan dia.

Tapi,

What if all of these doubtful thoughts aren't true and what it takes is for you to make the first move? 

What if all it takes is for you to keep waiting?

Wouldnt that makes you feel regret if you dont try?

First post

Hi. Thanks for scrolling up to this point. :)